F*CK THAT GUY: 365 Days and Ways to Mend a Broken Heart
Introduction — A Note from Hope: A Homage to Healing
It was March of 2018 when I phoned my dear cousin Michael in tears to tell him the man I’d been in love with for two years, the one I thought I’d spend forever with, just ended our relationship.
Michael is that protective brother in my life and, of course, a member of the man tribe; he knew that my former paramour was not worth all of this anguished hand-wringing. The three words he so spontaneously uttered also seemed to indicate that I was struggling more over this breakup than any dude ever would.
Michael simply said, “Oh, F*ck that guy.”
I laughed immediately — a miracle because this was a moment when I feared I would never laugh again. But the more I thought about what Michael said, and the tone he said it in, the more I thought: This would make a great book. A workbook. One that would help me, and possibly/probably others, mend their broken hearts in 365 days.
Sunset in Sedona, Thanksgiving 2021. Photo by Hope Katz Gibbs
Did it really take an entire year to mend my broken heart?
- The bad news: It has taken me much longer.
- The good news: I have been incredibly patient with myself because my lifelong goal is to be at peace—not just in relationships but with my inner child and the grown-up me.
My inspiration: There is an arc to healing, as we learned from
knew all too well of what she spoke. Born in 1926 in Zürich, Switzerland, on July 8 (which is also my birthday, in 1964), Dr. Kübler-Ross was one of a set of triplets, two of whom were identical. Her life was jeopardized due to complications weighing only 2 pounds at birth; she said she survived due to her mother’s love and attentiveness. She later contracted pneumonia and was hospitalized at age 5, during which she had her first experience with death as her roommate died peacefully. Her early experiences with death led her to believe that because death is a necessary stage of life, one must be prepared to face it with dignity and peace.
Moon rise in Las Cruces, NM. Photo by Hope Katz Gibbs
The Arc of Healing
12 months: We borrow from Dr. Kübler-Ross’ research and wisdom to create a year-long arc that we hope will help readers work through the grief process.
- Month 1: Diving into the Darkness — Coping with shock and denial
- Month 2: The Big Moan — Letting yourself feel the pain and guilt
- Month 3: Blowing it up — Allowing anger and bargaining to lead the way
- Month 4: Taking care of you — Practicing self-care is fundamental
- Month 5: Is this gonna be forever? — Dealing with depression
- Month 6: Connecting with others — Surrounding yourself with love
- Month 7: The upward turn — Accepting the breakup is another form of change
- Month 8: Reconstruction — Noticing how much you have already healed
- Month 9: Working the pain — Write a letter to your ex for yourself (no need to send it)
- Month 10: Acceptance — Saying goodbye
- Month 11: Hope — Building back your confidence, creating new expectations and standards for your new healthy, happy relationship
- Month 12: Starting again — Embracing a brand new day and finding your perfect fit
When in doubt: Sage it, baby.
365 days: On each page of the workbook, you’ll find a Word of the Day that acts as a writing prompt to fit the Healing Theme of the Month. Writing things down has been my go-to tool since I was a little girl, and a new pack of colorful markers has always helped me redecorate my inner world. But that’s just me. Grab the tools you love most to scribble away your sorrow. Take pictures, draw pictures, dance it out, sing a song (and maybe write down the lyrics) — whatever feels good to you that day. This is your journey. Gobble it whole.
The hope
With guidance from Shana, I hope this workbook helps you find peace. The pages you hold in your hand illustrate my struggle, process, and, ultimately, my way back to an even better version of myself. Shana’s insight as a licensed professional counselor provides educated guidance and a practical framework to help you work through the pain.
Our wish is that this exercise book mends you today and keeps you feeling whole in all the challenging moments of your life. — Love, Hope and Shana
Coming next: Stay tuned for the next chapter from Shana, Why it feels so good to say F*CK!
About Hope Katz Gibbs: An award-winning journalist and publicist, author, public speaker, and serial entrepreneur, Hope has been a professional writer since graduating from the University of Pennsylvania in 1986. She has won awards for her newsletters, blogs, and feature articles that have appeared in dozens of publications, including The Washington Post, USA Today, the National Press Club blog, university alumni magazines (The George Washington University, The University of Pennsylvania, Baylor, and more) — and Costco’s magazine, The Connection, where she interviews bestselling authors.
In 2008, Hope founded Inkandescent® PR & Publishing Inc., a PR, marketing, and social media firm that has helped hundreds of small business owners increase their visibility using the tools from her book 200-page guidebook, PR Rules: The Playbook, which reporters have lauded at The Washington Post, among others. These 8 Steps to PR Success™ can be found at InkandescentPR.com. Hope also launched the Truly Amazing Women project, which features hundreds of women who are changing lives on her magazine InkandescentWomen.com. She also publishes BeInkandescent Health & Wellness magazine, featuring thousands of articles about the business of mind, body, spirit, heart, and soul: BeInkandescent.com. Since 2010, Hope has been hosting and creating shows for her clients on her podcast network: InkandescentRadio.com. These also blast out on iTunes, iHeart Radio, and Spotify. The video version of all of the shows can be found on her popular YouTube channel, www.Inkandescent.TV.
Dr. Shana Garrett
About Dr. Shana Garrett: An authentic leader in the higher education industry with savvy for talent and business assessments, Dr. Garrett has been highly successful in the field of higher education, both traditional and proprietary, for the past 20 years as a program administrator, dean, practitioner, and faculty member. She is currently a Dean at Walden University. Dr. Garrett has a highly effective management style delivers an authentic approach to coaching and leadership within traditional and distance learning environments. While higher education is her focus, Dr. Garrett has years of experience in the counseling field, specializing in crisis intervention and trauma recovery. She is a licensed professional counselor and holds the designation of national certified counselor after receiving her Ph.D. in Psychology from Saybrook University, her Master of Arts in Psychology from Pepperdine University, and her Bachelor of Arts in Counseling Psychology from the University of North Texas. Connect with Shana on LinkedIn.